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Wednesday August 9th 1876

Mexicans!

Cross the

RIO Grande!

There are reports that a small company of Mexican troops have crossed into the Texas.

It is believed they are hunting Down the Vicious bandito Johntos O’Shaw’o.

"Is it time we invaded Mexico?” Asks Mayor Billy Bob Bush.

Shoot out in Main Street

Reporter: Rich Bradley

 On Monday the outlaw Jeremy “The Kid” Shannon led his Gang into to town looking for trouble, and they found it with a capital T. For in the Old Solon enjoying the best of what El Paso has to offer was none other than the famous Texas Ranger Thomas Brake. 

Ranger Brake, on eyeballing The Kid, told him and his bad ass gang to step outside.  Once on the street, Brake was joined by his fellow Rangers. Tension rose as there was a stand-off at 50 paces.

Townfolk ran for their lives - hiding in shops and houses. Parson Chandler was so scared he hid in the Saloon. So scared in fact he hid at a poker table and dropped $25! 

“This town ain't big enough for the both of us” hissed The Kid. With that, guns were drawn. All hell broke loose.

Two outlaws were left dead on the street, The Kid ran like the yella rat that he is and headed for the hills.

Every night before us good folk go to bed, we should all thank God for giving us the Texas Rangers.  This town is a better place with them around.

More Scalps!!

Chief “Two-Muzza’s” has told his braves that they need to collect 12 more scalps per calendar month.

Last Month They Came Within A Hair's Breadth Of Achieving Their Tally, But The Chief Said It Was A No-Brainer That Their Monthly Scalping Tally Should Go Up.

Remember To Keep your hair on Folks.

New Laundry

in Town

Direct from Shanghi comes “Shannon’s” the best Laundry this side of the Rockies.

Just opened on the south side of town, this long overdue establishment will do even more to clean up the town than Texas Ranger Brake and his men.

*Long Johns  $1

*Short Johns  50c

*10 Gallon Hats  $2

*5 Gallon Hats  $1

*Scalps  $3

*#69 Lemon Chicken  $1.50

*Assassinations  $10 per head

*Ironing  50c

2 – 4 – 1  Deal

Planning on shooting more than one person this month?

Well here is the deal for you!

Pay for 1 Coffin and get 2.

Only at

The Funeral Home

7 Day Weather Forecast for El Paso

Thu      Fri       Sat       Sun      Mon    Tue      Wed

Dusty     Dusty    Dusty     Dusty     Dusty     Dusty     Dusty