You Know You've Been Gaming DBM Too Long When....

You Know You've Been Gaming (DBM) Too Long When......

you have more than one shelf in your closet reserved for unpainted figures

you refer your kids as your subordinate generals

you are fluent in Barkerese

you always keep a spare pair of dice with you

your kids are named "Alexander", "Bohemond", "Zenobia", "Jeanne" etc

you refer your home as your baggage or as your stronghold

you have more than twenty kilos of unpainted lead

your game store clerks know you by your first name

you plan your vacations by the schedule of the gaming tournaments

you know all the names of the parts of a Medieval suit of armour

...but not the parts of your washing machine

you call your spouse as your regular ally general

you no longer Latinize, but instead you traslitterate, Greek names

you have more than twenty kilos of painted lead too

you have a toast to Charles the Rash when you have a glass of Burgundy wine

your local SCA people refer you as a heraldry geek

"Bourbon" means something else than a foul-tasting American alcoholic beverage

...and you pronounce it in the French way (boo-rh-bohn)

you spend your beer money for buying figures

you read Bible: as a period primary source for your chariot army

you are more interested about the history of your army than its tournamentability

you can spell easily "Györgi Kastriota Skanderbeg" but not the names of your friends

you prefer "Marcus Ulpius Traianus" instead of just "Trajan"

...but you are unsure whether to prefer "Heraclius" or "Iraklios"

...and after him, you use katharevusa to translitterate the Byzantine names

it annoys when someone pronounces "Celtic" with "s"

you plan to build a bigger garage to fit your gaming board in

you know exactly where Cilician Armenia is but you are not quite sure of Wyoming

you have sudden spells of impetuosity

you think re-founding the Kingdom of Jerusalem would solve the Palestine Crisis

you regret you are too old to enlist and make career as a real life soldier

you think distances in paces instead of real life units

you refer Mitsubishi Lancer as "cataphract"

...and you realize Alfa Romeo logo sports St. George's Cross and the Visconti arms

you design your own coat-of-arms, or if you already have one, use it as your emblem

you are fluent in estimating distances in fractions of millimeter

...and angles by degree

you no longer need a ruler or a compass either

you ponder whether you may subtract any gaming expenses in taxation

you can't stand The Bold and The Beautiful awake, but you can game an all-nighter

you know the coats of arms of various countries better than their flags

you introduce your spouse to gaming as well

...and s/he beats you on regular basis

you have more than five 10/0 brushes

you consider it dressing badly when the clothes don't conform heraldic tincture rules

you don't remember your country's historical dates, but know exactly the ancients

"War of the Roses" does NOT mean a lousy human relations' flick to you

you remember all the battles of the 100 Years War by heart

you know who Ferdinand and Isabella were, but not Juan Carlos

you know what SPQR, AEIOU, GMU and IHS stand for

you cast better figures by yourself than most manufacturers do

you consider Mongols as nice chaps with a slightly eccentric lifestyle

you have your spell checker with words "xyston", "psiloi", "cataphract" etc

The Phil's wife is annoyed if you refer her as "Mrs. Barker" instead of "Sue"

your hobby shop gives you volume discounts

you don't speak about Istanbul, but Constantinople... or better still, Konstantinopolis

"Barbarossa" doesn't refer any more to WWII, but to Holy Roman Empire

you have debates which were greater emperors, Hohenstaufen or Habsburgs

you have a white nightgown with a large black cross on both front and back

skirt is just OK for guys if worn in combination with some kind of armour

you have all the Osprey Men-At-Arms books available

you have also all the WRG books available

you have a debate who is a better author, Ian Heath or David Nicolle

you know the difference between katana and tachi

all your Christmas, Birthday etc presents are connected to gaming

you know everything about period architecture but you aren't an architect

you visit a nearby historical battlefield while on a business trip

you don't remember your kids' birthdays, but do remember the generals' in your army

"Dark Ages" weren't actually so dark; they were bloody as well

you don't own a firearm but you have a crossbow (and you shoot better with it)

you begin to blazon traffic signs

adjective "Byzantine" sounds actually positive and respectable

...but you'd still prefer Rhomanoi, or Eastern Imperial

you have no troubles with the language while on vacation in Greece

you think Shakespeare is a slandering bastard who committed libel on Richard III

you know Latin so well you can cope with native Italians

...and they think you've learnt your Italian in Piedmonte or Toscana

"Imperialist" isn't a political slogan, but an allusion to medieval Germans

you treat "German" and "Teutonic" as different attributes

you threat to defenestrate your kids if they are naughty

you threat to decimate your kids if they continue to be naughty

"New Model Army" is no more a rock band to you

you seriously think about joining a free company instead just a militia

Games Workshop is a worse example of monopoly capitalism than Microsoft

you become interested in genealogy so you can trace your roots to certain period

chess is for dullards with no imagination

if you are a girl, you have a lot of dates

...and if you are a guy, you think about a sex change so you could have a lot of dates

your spouse calls the local game store instead of pub to find you

you have a bumper sticker "Gamers do it with a strategy !"

you know all the fax numbers of your favourite figure manufacturers by heart

you consider watching TV as waste of good time which should be used to painting

your spouse loves you as you spend a lot of time at home, painting and modelling

you begin to develop the personal traits of your army's historical C-in-C

your University history teacher refers you as his reference

Tom Clancy is for geeks and Froissart is for real gamers

Marion Zimmer Bradley is for geeks and Anna Komnena is for real gamers

fantasy stuff sucks and feels infantile

mail is no longer something you get from post office, but something you wear

...under your everyday clothes

you no longer think figures as chunks of lead, but real miniature men

you ponder which company makes 15 mm white metal widows and orphans

This piece was written by Fleur-de-lis (Finland) and submitted to the DBM Discussion List. Pretty scary stuff when you read it the first time.......
and relate to most of it!